On March 10, the Bigfoot Society noted an “unprecedented” multi-day mass migration of bigfoots—possibly bigfeet—in the vicinity of Portage County, Ohio. The “unidentified bipedal hominids” were moving southeast in a “coordinated movement.” Two bigfoots were spotted around Mantua on March 6 and 7, at least one of them making “auditory grunts.” Three more bigfoots were spotted on March 9; a sixth bigfoot—a big sucker, 10 feet tall—was seen the next day, around Newton Township. Before you scoff—you cheap skeptic, you ignoramus, you fool—you should know that the Bigfoot Society considers all of these sightings to be “high-credibility reports,” so put that in your damn pipe. The Bigfoot Society continues to track what it has dubbed “The Ohio Bigfoot Flap.”
Why are the bigfoots moving? Good question. Today, just after 9:00 a.m. ET, in that same region of northeast Ohio, a meteor entered Earth’s atmosphere and kerploded, rattling windows, toppling delicate shelf-top arrangements, and startling the bejeezus out of thousands of unprepared Rust Belt types. The National Weather Service tracked the meteor, and a guy with a “bus garage camera” caught some video. The meteor was clearly visible in the sunny morning sky, because it was a huge raging ball of extraordinarily hot flaming space rock. Look at this!
Here is an even better video, taken from all the way in Pittsburgh:
What did the bigfoots know? Clearly they knew something. The Bigfoot Society reports that this “possible family group” of migrating bigfoots was using a sort of narrow wilderness thoroughfare to pass through residential areas, and in a steady east/southeast direction. I have plotted the various bigfoot sightings on a map, and I have added to the map the approximate position of the NWS identification of the meteor entry. Looking at this graphic, you are forced to conclude (unless you are hiding something—what are you hiding??) that the bigfoots were fleeing the area of the eventual meteor kerplosion.
Jeremiah Byron, project lead of the ongoing Flap investigation and host of the Bigfoot Society podcast told Defector Tuesday that he is not yet willing to say for certain why the bigfoots are on the move, but he is monitoring the situation. “The timing of this all is extremely interesting,” said Byron, in an email. “Nobody can really say for sure if this meteor explosion on March 17 in the same region of NE Ohio is the cause of the Bigfoot moving from March 6th to March 10th. Strange weather, mating, mushrooms coming into season or maybe even this meteor explosion? All these are viable explanations. Nobody really knows but perhaps this story has just begun.”