I don’t exactly volunteer for the puzzle. It was more like my overwhelmed and nearly paralyzed self stood quietly by with a dumb look on my face as everyone else volunteered for other stages of the challenge. But at the end of our strategy sesh, the puzzle is the last thing left. What I completely underestimate is how gassed I’d be by the time I get up the wall. Helping pull everyone up is no easy feat, and instead of standing at the mat and cheerleading, I now face that wild kajillion-piece premiere puzzle. We were only shown a photo of what the puzzle looked like for a few seconds before we began, but once I get up to the top, that image is both deleted and emptied from my brain’s trash folder. In fact, my internal hard drive feels like it’s already been taken out back and beaten with a bat, “Office Space” style.
A Dream Teamer and I race to pick up the pieces, which shockingly weigh about 10 pounds each. (Way heavier than I imagined!) These pieces do not slide in easily. They often need to be pounded or shimmied in. Sometimes, already-placed pieces on the sides need to be re-configured in order to make room for its neighbor. By this time, Jeff makes his way to the top of the platform, and even though he’s continuing to film us, my mind is in panic mode. Again, I’m not even playing for a million dollars, but the pressure feels immense. The detail of the palm trees on the puzzle pieces is something I don’t pay close enough attention to. And from our side of things, the number 50 has to be backwards so that it looks right to the cameras. Everyone’s screaming suggestions, and deciphering which of those voices are coming from my actual teammates is a challenge, in and of itself. The purple tribe finishes the puzzle, followed by orange, and I am left, puzzle piece in hand. Devastated. A big ol’ loser. (We were close-ish though, and we finished it after the fact just for funsies.)
As we traverse Mana island’s most slippery rocks ever to rinse our filthy bodies in the ocean, the stoke is high. We can’t believe what we just got to experience. Joker-sized smiles are glued to our faces for the remainder of the trip. We knew “Survivor” challenges would be no cake-walk, but our very first attempt was far more taxing than we ever could’ve imagined. And we were well-fed and well-rested! “I can’t imagine doing that after not eating and sleeping for days,” every single one of us said at one point.
So if you ever run into a hater who tries to tell you “Survivor” is fake, point them in my direction. I’ve got the battle scars and photographic evidence to prove otherwise. And if any readers out there find themselves booking a flight to Fiji’s Mamanuca Islands to rendezvous with Jeff for a future season, take deep breaths, practice some puzzles, and prepare to be put through the wringer. You’ve got this!
Just don’t skip the weight bench beforehand.